I'm feeling some confusion as I read TK’s blog commenting on his blasé feelings about marriage, less than a month from his wedding date. No, I’m not knocking TK…it’s just that his little write-up got me thinking. And I started thinking about how weirdly obsessive I am. I am so incredibly excited about his wedding that I can hardly sit still. I can hardly drink my water. I can hardly type words in a straight line (and I’m pretty sure my computer does that automatically…) It’s perhaps not so much the actual wedding ceremony that keeps me living life, but the fact that I’m going home, I’m seeing my family, and I’m reuniting with friends that I haven’t seen, in my sense of time, eons.
I can’t imagine ever feeling blasé about any “event”. I live for these moments; I look forward to every get together, or reunion or outing with my friends. Perhaps it’s because I don’t have friends around me anymore (except for you Dr. Man!) or perhaps because I consciously left them. Or perhaps because I’ve been perpetually single for so long, that I’ve focused my “love” on my friends.
Do you realize that I planned a dinner get-together two months before the dinner? That I continue “annual” reunion dinners, citing “tradition” and “history”, nearly a decade after we’ve graduated? I mean, really, aren’t these all behavioral signs of someone who is just a tad bit overly attached to her friends??
I suppose it is a good thing, that is, to love one’s friends, but as I type this, I realize how bad it is to be compulsive about it. I build up these huge expectations of my friends, and then I become utterly devastated if I’m let down, even by just a little bit. It even happened recently… and I’m sorry to you if I’ve blamed you for disappointing me.
Perhaps it’s better to be a little bit more blasé about things. At least that way, when exciting moments come along, the moments actually feel special. Hmmm.
I don’t know what it is with me. I think it has to do something with the whole loneliness thing. *SIGH*
Dor coming tomorrow… my visit to Tim two weeks ago… HUGE events for me. These are sparkling highlights in my mundane slice of life. Even a phone call from a friend is a pleasant twinkle. So a wedding back home with all my high school friends? It’s a cardiac-arresting supernova. How could anyone feel blasé about it?!
3 comments:
You know, I feel the same way.. The curse of being alone in a new city.. *sigh*. I'm very excited about my trip next week to Boston for graduation and Vancouver in less than a month for two weddings! I'm even starting to panic about what to do after those days pass, 'cause they'll be nothing else planned to get my hyped up about..
Lauri... yes, good luck at grad! Though you've been graduated for nearly a year now, I'm sure it's exciting to go to the ceremony and get your degree. Congrats! It's a great "moment".
Hi G. When Beenie and Alex got married I was SO excited too. It felt like such an honour to know the couple so well and to know they were doing something so special.
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